So one of Kris’ favorite things to do is taunt me endlessly regarding my unique ability to misunderstand song lyrics. Now, this mostly affects the music I heard during my formative years – the 80’s. And it wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized had pointed out to me that I was “doing it wrong”. Personally, in some cases, I like my lyrics better – so I continue to sing them my way, and Kris continues to roll his eyes at me.
A few samples (you can just imagine me belting these bad boys out, no video proof will be provided):
On the Road Again – Willie Nelson
Actual lyric: “Like a band of gypsies, we go down the highway…”
Laurie lyric: “Like a band of gypsies wiggle down the highway…”
~This terrified me as a kid. Go ahead, picture it – a group of gypsies wiggling down a highway? Creeeepy!
1999 – Prince
Actual lyric: “Got a lion in my pocket, and baby he’s ready to roar…”
Laurie lyric: “Got a lime in my pocket, and baby he’s ready to roll…”
~I didn’t understand the sexual undertones of Prince songs when I was little (we won’t even discuss “Little Red Corvette”, I was SO shocked to learn that wasn’t about a cool car!). So ya know – I just thought he had this little lime in his pocket that wanted to get out and roll around or something. Ahem. Moving on…
Benny and the Jets – Elton John
Actual lyric: “She’s got electric boots, a mohair suit…”
Laurie lyric: “She’s got electric boobs, I’m on her shoes…”
~ Perhaps if I had known a little more about Elton John back then it would have been clear that he was speaking about what the chick was wearing, and not her boobs.
Margaritaville – Jimmy Buffett
Actual lyrics: “Threw off my flip-flops, stepped on a pop top…”
Laurie lyrics: “Threw off my flip flops, stepped on a pop-tart…”
~ I didn’t know what a “pop top” was, but I did know a little something about pop-tarts, mainly that they were delicious and it was fun to sing about them.
Billie Jean – Michael Jackson
Actual lyric: “But the kid is not my son…”
Laurie lyric: “But the chid is not my son…”
~ I have no idea. Maybe I thought it was some hybrid of the words “child” and “kid”? Who knows – I just know it does NOT sound likes he’s saying kid.
Suicide Blonde – INXS
Actual lyric: “You wanna make her, suicide blonde”
Laurie lyric: “You wanna make a… SUPER SALAD BAR!”
~ Not much to say about this other than, that SO sounds like what he’s saying. You can’t convince me otherwise. I know it doesn’t make sense for Michael Hutchence to be singing about copious amounts of veggies, but really. Do the original lyrics make sense either? I think not.
Hold On Loosely – .38 Special
Actual lyric: “Just hold on loosely, but don’t let go
If you cling to tightly,
you’re gonna lose control”
Laurie lyric: “Just hold on Lucy, but don’t let go If you cling too tightly, you’re gonna lose your toe”
~ First of all, I’ll get a confession out of the way. Love me some Southern Rock. Anyhoo, I was almost named “Lucy”, so naturally I thought the song was about a girl with that name. And the toe thing? You just listen closely next time you hear it. Unmistakably talking about the amputation of a body part. Heh.
The Joker – Steve Miller
Actual lyric: “I’m a joker, I’m a smoker, I’m a midnight toker…”
Laurie lyric: “I’m a joker, I’m a smoker, I’m a midnight talker…”
~ See, in my version the singer is a sensitive, caring individual – concerned enough to stay up ’til MIDNIGHT! Just talkin’. “Toker” meant nothing to me at that age.
I’ve even passed my “talent” on to my offspring…
Transformer’s Theme Song
Actual lyric: Transformers, robots in disguise…
Coop and Ty lyric: Transformers, robots IN THE SKIES…
(hee hee – I don’t have the heart to correct them.)
So there it is. Actually, there are many more – but this could go on forever so I’ll stop here. For now.
*Also? I totally thought the song “Physical” by Olivia Newton John was about exercising.